


An Ending of Sorts

by Padapuppy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: End!verse, Episode: s05e04 The End, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-14
Updated: 2012-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-16 06:58:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/536741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Padapuppy/pseuds/Padapuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel share some words before the going about the insane task of shooting the devil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Ending of Sorts

“You saying my plan is reckless?”

“Are you saying we, uh, walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats and shoot the devil?”

“Yes.”

“If you don’t like, uh, reckless, I could use insouciant, maybe.”

“Are you coming?” Dean, his Dean, asked.  
There was only one reply that Castiel could think of. “Of course.” For this particular statement, Castiel looked back at the Dean from the past before his Dean dismissed the room. "Okay. Well, uh. I'll get the grunts moving."

They had two hours before they were going to leave, enough time for the troops, as Castiel had been calling them, to gather supplies, and apparently enough time for the Dean of his time ask to speak to him.

“So, you like past me, Cas? Is that right?” Dean wondered once Castiel returned, his tone slightly on edge.

Castiel smirked. “That’s right.”

“You smug son-of-a-bitch.” Dean spat out and Castiel laughed. Dean’s anger was rising, and this was typical. His Dean was always angry about something. “Why, Cas? What makes him so much better than me?” If Castiel didn’t know any better, Dean sounded hurt.

Looking at his face, Castiel saw that this was actually the case. The smile faded from Castiel’s face. “Not better. Different. It’s that he. No. You. Uh, I don’t know.”

“I get it,” Dean said almost sadly. “He’s ignorant of everything. He hasn’t been through what I have. He doesn’t know yet. He still has Sam.”

“It’s not your fault, you know. What happened with Sam. Sam made his own choices. He knew what he was getting in for when he said yes.”

Dean’s hands collided hard with Castiel’s chest, slamming him against the wall. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking talk about him,” Dean growled out, venom in his voice.

And this was also something Castiel was used to. No one could talk about Sam without Dean getting angry or upset.

Raising his hands in mock surrender, Castiel sighed. “Fine. Fine.”

Dean backed away, a sheepish look upon his face. “So, what do you think of me?” And this was new.

“What about you?” Castiel asked, genuinely confused about what Dean was asking.

“You know, me. How do you feel about me?”

Castiel wasn’t sure how to respond to Dean’s sudden spout of insecurity, but he answered quickly, the only words he knew how to say. “I love you. You know that, Dean.”

Dean nodded, lips pursed and said, “But you like him.” 

And Castiel was already sick of this subject. It’s one thing to be jealous over Castiel’s orgies and sleeping with whomever he pleased, and Dean wasn’t exactly chaste either. But their relationship wasn’t like that. Sex didn’t matter like that, but this was ridiculous. Dean was acting jealous...of himself.

Angrily, Castiel replied, “Yes, Dean. I like him. He’s not hardened. Time hasn’t fucked him up quite yet, Dean. Dammit, he still feels.”

Dean opened his mouth to protest but Castiel wasn’t finished yet. “But Dean, he’s you. You’re him. Five years, and that’s it. He’ll be just as fucked up as you are. And that angel he has back home, in five years, he’ll turn into this.” Castiel spoke, loud and sure, gesturing to himself.

“So that’s why you like him, then? Because I turned into a monster. God, how can you still put up with me?” Dean wasn’t trying to turn this around on Castiel, he knew better. Castiel may not be an angel anymore, he couldn’t read Dean’s mind, but he knew Dean, more than anyone else alive did.

Castiel frowned. “No. Don’t do that. Don’t do this. You **know** I don’t think like that. Fuck, how could you think like that especially after tonight? Tonight...when I know. I know that I’m-that we...Fuck.” Frustrated, Castiel’s fist slammed into the wall, wood splitting, blood spilling from his knuckles. Defeated, Castiel crumpled to the ground. “I know,” he spoke soft, his voice weak.

Dean dropped to the ground in front of the other man. “You’re hurt.” Dean’s voice was smaller, concerned. Silently, Dean cleaned and dressed the other man’s wounds. When he finished, he was pressing his lips to Castiel’s knuckles.

“Before. You said you know.” Dean noted in between kisses. “What is it that you think you know?”

Castiel took his hand away slowly. “I know,” he began, “that when I leave tonight, that I-that I’m-I’m not coming back.”

“Where you going? You plan on leaving after this is over?” Dean asked coyly.

Castiel wasn’t having it. “I know that I’m dying tonight, Dean.”

Dean’s mouth gaped open. “What? Cas shut up. No one’s dying.” Dean lied nervously.

“Don’t. Don’t you do this. Don’t act like I don’t realize what we are tonight. That we-that I’m...that we’re bait.”

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel interrupted, “Are you going to deny it?”

Dean shook his head, “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry.” Dean’s voice was barely above a whisper.

And Castiel’s anger was gone. “I’m okay with it.” Castiel spoke as if he was talking about what kind of soap Dean used instead of dying.

“No. How can you be? I’m such a piece of shit. You have to hate me.” Dean hung his head, his voice cracking.

“How can you say that to me? Hey, hey, Dean. Look at me. Do you know what I was thinking when you asked if I was going with you tonight?”

Dean bit nervously at his lip before saying, “No.”

Castiel’s mouth formed a sad smile. “I wasn’t thinking about dying, about killing the devil. I was thinking about you. Thinking that as soon as you shot him, that’d it’d finally be over for you. Where else would I be if not there? I love you, Dean, so where else would I go?”

Dean was at a loss. Strong arms wrapped around Castiel’s body, both men up on their knees, bodies flush against one another. Softly, Dean lips pressed to Castiel’s neck, and Castiel could feel the dampness from Dean’s eyes.

Castiel’s hand felt his own face and wiped away the tears that managed to get out. “I need you to promise me something. One thing,” Castiel choked out. He could feel Dean nod into his neck. “I need you to promise that tonight, when you find him, don’t think about us in there, not me or the other grunts.” Castiel’s voice was stronger, more sure. Composure regained, he continued, “Don’t think about me, and for fuck’s sake, don’t you think about Sam.” Castiel felt Dean wince at the mention of his brother’s name but he was nodding. “You shoot him, and you end this.”

“I promise,” Dean’s voice, soft and broken. Castiel placed a soft kiss to Dean’s head before pulling back. “Good,” was all he said.

Castiel looked at Dean once more, his hands sliding up on Dean’s face, fingers brushing away any fallen tears. His hands finally settled on the sides of Dean’s face, lips diving in. The kiss was chaste, for the most part. Dean’s tongue brushed Castiel’s lips before retreating, but they did not break the kiss. They knew what this kiss meant, so they savored it. They realized that this gathering of lips, this subtle meeting of teeth and tongue meant something more. This kiss, the slow and tender kiss, meant goodbye.

Castiel pulled back, and wrapped his arms tightly around Dean. “I love you,” he whispered into his ear before breaking apart, standing up, and walking out of the door.

When he sat with the Dean of the past on the way the meet the devil, Castiel sounded sure as he explained what happened with them, about why his Dean and himself were so different than they were five years ago.

“The only thing,” he began, eyes glancing to the man he hadn’t quite fallen in love with yet. “I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other.”

Castiel didn’t think about dying when the demons got most of the group. He didn’t even think about dying when the Croats broke the barrier and were coming right for him. As he breathed his last breath, he didn’t think about dying. No, he thought about Dean, the man he loved, about how soon all of it would be over, and that maybe Dean would feel peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'd. Comments, I think they're awesome.


End file.
